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Does your word make or mar?

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Sometimes, memories of words flash right into my mind and I, all over again wish I could turn back the hands of time, that I may never have walked up to certain people for help. Maybe then, I wouldn’t have had to listen to such cruel, and unkind words that damaged my confidence and faith in what I knew I was gifted to do.
Let me summarise victims’ thoughts this way:

“I came that I may be guided, but left battered. All I wanted was some support to help me get better, but all that occurred was an exchange of my God-given vision for a piece of nothing… I needed the pain alleviated, but returned infuriated!”

My dad always said, “If you have “nothing” to do, don’t do it here!” Makes sense? Yes! For me, it’s “If you have “no value” to add, don’t add it to me.
Over the years, I have come to understand why Jesus said,

“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.”
Matthew 18:6 NKJV

This isn’t only about misleading a younger Christian to sin. It isn’t just about preaching a wrong interpretation of Scripture… Sincerely, it’s much deeper –
Making a person feel less of himself so you can feel sufficient.

Emphasizing so much on the weakness of another in order to draw attention to your strength.

Giving excuses for your mistakes but finding no benefit of doubt for the other person who made less omission!

You don’t always have to have something to say.

You don’t always have to prove you are right or superior (because, really, you may not be).

You can just decide to be a good listener who isn’t ready to give an answer unless God puts one on your lips. I found myself a friend, one who listens so intently I would almost think has dozed off, yet fully aware of my words.

Recently, my friend said to me, “Although there’s a usual way I handle such situations, I don’t want to do anything without being sure it’s what God wants to be done.”
You can be like my friend too… Just listen!

For a long time, all I heard in my ears and mind were the words that dropped off those lips that came as a rude shock to me:
“No one wants to read them…”, “You’re just being a child exploring that path…”
And when I have great ideas run wild in my head to be acted upon, those words come piercing through and crippling the enthusiasm that has barely endured a few minutes!

What?! How?! How can a person who ought to guide a younger generation kill its vision instead?! How can a soul seek for solace in your arms and find unrest instead?!
I have said before, and will keep saying it: “It is more important to be understanding than to be right!”
And by the way, we are not always right!

As Christians, especially leaders, teachers, pastors, etc.. what words do you say to those who listen intently to you…to those who are looking up to you for security, hope, and encouragement?

Are you truly building them up, or are you tearing them down?

Are we using them as target practice and guinea pigs so we can have an example for Sunday’s sermon on the pulpit?

Are we just pumping orders down their throats so we can always be seen as right and superior, or are we bearing them up in our arms with love and care, handling them like the precious jewels…beautiful souls which they are?

Are you helping that fearful lady or young man gain some courage to do God’s bidding? Or are you just so blinded by jealousy, ambition, and competition that your actions display the disease?

Like the saying goes, “A dead horse needs no flogging.” It is actually the sick that are in need of a physician. Many who come to us are already wounded, unsure, insecure and they just need healing in their wounded parts. What are we saying to them?

Someone once said, “Words are seeds.” And another, “Seeds are spirits.” No wonder words have such power to make or mar – to build or destroy – well-defined destinies that have been incubated! Words go deep to the hidden places hands cannot reach. Words have far-reaching effects, leaving behind memories that may never be wiped away!
With just one wrong word, a strong organisation built over so many years can collapse within seconds. With just a wrong word, a ministry nursed for so many years by another, and about to fly can have its tiny wings clipped off!

But with the right words, breathed upon by the Spirit of the Most High, weak, dry and dead bones or destinies, are restored back to life and strength, dogged enough to fulfil purpose!

Truth be told, No one cares how “worded” you are if your words don’t help the weak ones get stronger! No one! Even when the speaker has been forgiven, the words and their effects are hardly ever forgotten.

Some days still come when those words appear to me as demons, taunting, haunting, and incapacitating the gifts the Lord has put in me. Why? Because someone deemed it fit to say the wrong words!
I may have been able to pull through, overcome, and get restored over time, but not everyone has been graced with such strength to wait that long!

You don’t get a second chance to make a good ‘first’ impression. You won’t always have the opportunity to “unplant” the seed you once planted.

“Let your speech always be with GRACE, SEASONED with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one. ”
Colossians 4:6 NKJV

Please, be graceful!
Jesus loves! Jesus saves!

About her:

Folasewa is a young Worship Minister who has a passion for writing and teaching Scriptural principles, relating them to everyday societal issues.

She encourages others (especially ladies) to live godly lives that will benefit them and those around them, helping them pick up from the ugly situations they may have found themselves.


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