My past came knocking with a loud bang, louder than I expected.
It started with fear, fear of moving on, the shame was all I could think of, the bad labels, gossips, and human judgments all rang like a bell in my head.
Definitely, while we all have a past, our experiences differ, while some can overcome the effects of their past, some can not.
For those who can not, are they to be blamed?
For years I stood at a point waiting for help, while I got some, fear and shame wouldn’t let me make a move.
It was the worst part of my life, for days, months, years, I lived in pains and gnashing of teeth with the words “If only” always ringing in my ears like the cry of a baby.
No, I wasn’t strong, I was weak, as time went on, I enjoyed every part of my weakness, felt safe in it, it became my solace, I did everything in weakness, I felt so comfortable that I couldn’t move on.
I lived in stagnation, sometimes, I would try to find a part, just a way of escape, a way to rescue myself from what I couldn’t define.
I cried so loud for away, I really wanted away, It’s either A way or No way.
As the days go by I found myself weaker.
What was lost?
IDENTITY.
I couldn’t identify with my past.
I knew I had to let go but wasn’t ready.
Sometimes we are not always ready,
however, we don’t need to get ready before we are ready.
* Our identity is our passport to navigating through life.
When you identify the problem, there would be a solution that would help you push through.
Do not forget that I was in the middle of two minds.
A way or No way.
I thought to myself, if I am to find a way, how do I do it.
If there was no way, how long do I have to stay at the spot staring into the dark?
Definitely, there must be away.
But,
Which way?
Where is the way?
What way do I follow?
I knew I needed an Identity, what will people know me for?
Is it by the past that keeps haunting me like a hunter looking for prey?
I knew I had to let go to let in because, without an identity, you could end up becoming a floater in the world.
It was hard to bring into existence a decision.
I was torn, down, and angry.
I lived in an existing world but not existing.
I don’t want to be a floater started ringing and “if only” had to give way.
I found a way.
Your IDENTITY is like a Chakra bracelet worn for clarity.
