The blog article before this is on INGRATITUDE, you might want to read that first so you can find a balance between both articles after reading this.

So I listened to a conversation between a couple sometimes last year.

They were talking about a couple and how much help they have rendered to this couple.

The wife went on and on about the gut the other man had to challenge she and her husband after all they had done for them.

She kept on going on and on about how ungrateful they were to be able to confront them, and that who was supposed to be mute if not for this couple?

They said a lot of demeaning stuffs about this people that broke my heart because I really can’t stand people who belittle others or talk about others in such a demeaning way, but wisdom told me to keep looking and listening in order to gain more insight about humans.

“I pray for you today, may you not enter into the trap of an entitled helper.”

This couple apparently felt that because they had helped the other couple many times then they have bought their voice, and on no account do they have the right to challenge them or confront them even if they hurt them real bad.

What became revealed to me from that episode was that this couple had assumed the position of a saint because they were oppportuned and privileged to be of help to the other couple.

They felt that they can never be a villain in this couple’s story just because they had helped them in the past.

They felt it was a huge dishonour for people they had helped in the past to be able to have such audacity to call their bluff.

And I learnt a big lesson that day, and this lesson was that the fact that I have helped people does not automatically make me blameless in every issue or matters that might arise between me and them in the future.

The position of a helper does not confer on me the right to become entitled to their loyalty or support.

You see I understand that it is extremely painful to render help to people and they do not appreciate it, neither do they support or be loyal to you when the time arises, but you as a helper also need to check your expectation of appreciation and gratefulness in order to check if the gauge is right or extremely damaging and filled with so much entitlement.

When people appreciate you for a help rendered from the bottom of their soul, the best thing for you to do at that moment is to release them like a whiff of air and forget about what you have done.

It is not easy because we are humans and we are flawed, but it is very achievable.

And I have discovered from my own personal experiences that if you forget a help you had done or rendered,

you do not have any expectations,

you do not get hurt,

neither do you nurse any form of entitlement towards them for the help you have rendered.

When they are grateful and remind you in future of how much good you have done for them in the past, you become emotional and genuinely touched.

You are also able to show indepth gratitude because you had already rid yourself of every form of entitlement mentality towards them in the past, and now when it’s their turn to do good for you and also appreciate you, you are able to show great gratitude to them in return.

It is also very good and safe for you to allow the people you have helped, or helping to be themselves around you.

You allow them to be THEM around you which makes them show you who they truly are.

When you confer this kind of freedom on people you have helped you are unknowingly getting rid of every sycophants around you, and you are able to identify who should be in your life or not because you see who people truly are and not the mask they put on around you because of the help you have rendered to them or might render to them.

You need to constantly remind yourself about what is it you have that you have not received?

This would help you get over every form of entitlement mentality towards the people you have helped and make you come to that humble position and realisation that someone else had also helped you in the past, and that if those people had not helped you, God in His infinite mercy would have raised many more people to help you and do more than they would have done for you.

When you understand this principle and come to this realisation, life would become easier for you, and you would drop every form of entitlement mentality towards people you have helped or might help in the future.

You need to also understand that the fact that you have helped someone does not automatically make them your slave, neither does it mean they should automatically become subservient to you.

We humans have issues, and one of the attitudes that fuels ingratitude is the attitude of keeping people in bondage, or wanting them to become ass or boot lickers because of a help we have rendered to them or presently rendering to them.

The human nature craves freedom, and this is why you see people often times break out from that kind of bondage where they are expected to pay homage and bootlick a helper for life.

This is why many people are surrounded by sycophants who would not hesitate to harm them in secret because they are filled with hidden bitterness as a result of being kept in captivity by a helper.

And as an individual you need to be careful of the kind of help you receive also.

You need to check all gifts so you don’t receive a help or a gift that would strip you of every form of self respect you have.

Be careful of the kinds of gifts you receive so you do not receive a Greek gift.

Don’t be covetous, some help and gifts look appealing and just what you need at that moment, but those help and gifts are actually a trap to enslave you, strip you and keep you in captivity.

Curtail your begging instinct, I can’t say this enough.

PLEASE CURTAIL YOUR BEGGING INSTINCT!

I don’t mean this to be derogatory because I understand the pain that comes with being helpless and having to resort to begging as a last hope.

However for your own good learn to keep your begging instinct in chains and clamp down that urge that is pushing you to always beg, even right here on the social media.

Learn to trust God more rather than resort to self help through begging.

The times are hard I know but don’t sell yourself cheap or trade your self worth in the place of looking for help.

Don’t make yourself a laughing stock, or someone that no one takes seriously any longer, or wants to be friends with because they are afraid you would spoil their day with begging once they get close to you, or grant you a free access to their life or their inbox on here.

Train yourself not to beg for things sometimes even when you desperately need it.

If you trust in God He would direct you to your helper or direct your helper to you to give you that thing that you desperately need.

Don’t sell your dignity and self respect as a result of greed.

Let people accuse you of pride because they feel you need help yet you are not coming to ask them for it.

Understand that it is only the proud that also expects people to grovel before them before they can render help to them.

So keep your dignity intact and maintain your pride, they will later come to appreciate and respect you for it when you eventually share your story.

Sometimes being contented with what we have or where we are would cure us of greed and the desire to go out and beg.

Some of the help we look for in helpers are not justified, we are just greedy and not contented with what we have, and don’t think you are the only smart one, your helper is also very smart, they know when you are taking advantage of them, and if they are someone filled with all shades of entitlement mentality, then you have just signed away your self worth and dignity to them in a moment of greed.

Such people would treat you with contempt and strip you to the barest minimum right before the whole world.

In conclusion any good you would do as a helper and you cannot release the beneficiary like a whiff of air after rendering help to them, then I would advise you not to do it.

It is better you withhold such help in order to keep your own sanity, and keep bitterness away from your heart until you have grown and mature enough to see the world through a bigger lens.

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