I apologise ahead, this might be a long read, but i’d implore you to read when you have the moment.
It’s very easy to chant divorce up and down like we see on social media nowadays, I must confess I am very guilty of this, I get so enraged, angry and pissed off at some marital issues and the first thing that comes to my brain is divorce and move on.
Pardon me I must categorically state here that I do not support anyone holding on at the face of domestic violence, please run for your dear life if you are caught up in this scenario. We have heard of couples killing one another, one dead, and the other rotting in jail, it is better to flee this kind of situation, be alive and dialogue from afar if there is room for “huge changes” .
I am from a broken home and life was hard, very hard having to face emotional turmoil right from a very tender age.
It is hard to endure being dragged in a tussle between parents, there were days my brother and I would perambulate our home with mom and dad’s office four times in a day just because they could not agree on issues, and we were the pawn, we dragged our feet in dejection and rejection wondering why our lives can’t be normal like other kids, wondering why we are so heavily laddened.
For years we took a longer route to dad’s house even though we knew a shorter route, we were trying to delay whatever verdict and words we might get to hear that would further crush us. Oh how sad mom was when she found out about this, I wonder now how heartbroken she must have felt on why we had to take a longer route.
Oh how I prayed, oh how I fasted at that tender age for my parent to come back together but those prayers were not answered, the reason best known to God. I wanted my parents together desperately, I wanted to grow up in my father’s wealth and not outside it, I needed to join my half siblings in eating large pieces of turkey laps, and not worry with my mother on the days when we couldn’t afford a box of match stick to light the stove and cook.
I wanted to seat in Porsche cars and not trek in the scorching sun and have my father zoom past us when he is in his moments. Don’t get me wrong, my dad tried in his own way, he sent us to good schools and provided for us according to his own way, he addressed our important needs when he doesn’t want to punish our mom, but we were constantly battered emotionally without a care in the world.
We were just innocent kids that needed a safe home to grow, and we were denied that privilege. We sat like strangers in his living room everytime we go to see him, he gisted with us at times and tried in his own way to make us feel accommodated, but we could see through the fact that we were burdensome with the tension we brought along, and we could literally touch the disguised animosity oozing from some of the occupants in his home.
What vile word haven’t my brother and I heard in our lives? Words that could crush the esteem and entirety of a child, no wonder I grew to have a huge distaste and aversion for people who talk without thinking of the impact of their words. I could write a book on the turmoil and emotional upheavals we passed through as children, if it was now where there is a rise in children having hypertension, my brother and I would have become victims, because our heartbeat was never calm nor at peace.
Whenever we were on holidays, my heart begins to beat fast and my palms would be dripping constant sweat because we would soon go to see our dad over the weekend, the only time my heart was at peace was on Sunday evening when we get back to our home with mom, then Monday and Tuesday nights. Not like we were constantly harassed, but we were tired of going to where we were tolerated, we needed a liberation, we needed a gust of fresh wind, we needed to have a week to ourselves where we would have no care or worries about going to see our dad. We needed a home full of love and peace.
I could go on and on, but I would stop here and ask you friend, sister and brother, are you sure you can’t save that marriage? I am sorry, this is not for the James bond men, the hulk Hogan of the house, the warrior on top of the body of his wife, or the pami nku(kill me) women , my advise would be to run away from such people before you get killed or you kill them.
This is for that honourable man, who loves his wife but is honestly confused as to how their marriage deteriorated, as to how it has become so distasteful and the only option is to walk away from it, this is for that sweet, loving and good woman who is tired of being constantly judged and emotionally abused by her man and doesn’t understand why she has become such a shrew.
I implore you to see through my eyes and understand the little bit of the story of my life I have shared with you, are you honestly willing for your children to suffer this way emotionally? Are you honestly willing for your children to be exposed to a harsh emotional torture in their young age? Can you both dig deep into your heart and search for that love which you have buried and see if it can be revived and made to blossom again?
Can you swallow your pride dear man, forget society or your extended family on how they will view you as a weakling if you make the first move of settlement, none of them will save you from the mindset your children will have towards you in your old age. They would be busy enjoying their own children and carrying their own grandchildren up and down, while you seat in solitude and deep thoughts. Swallow your ego and dialogue, communicate and see how you can salvage the situation at hand in other to have a peaceful old age.
Peradventure you know you both can never live in peace and love without constant bickering, can one of you please take a transfer out of your present place of work, or find another job outside your present place and allow the children stay permanently with whoever they want whilst you both travel to see each other once in a while? It’s been said of how absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Ok if you insist on this divorce, can both of you for the love of God be civil to one another for the sake of the proper development of your children? Can you please for the love of God leave them out of your bickering and make sure they don’t become the pawn in your game of inflicting punishment on one another?
I hope you search your hearts and make amends to salvage your marriage and home in order to save another generation of the interwoven unending web of the effects of divorce and its consequence.
NO CHILD DESERVES TO GROW UP IN A DYFUNCTIONAL ENVIRONMENT. THEY DID NOT SEND US ON THE JOURNEY OF PROCREATION! WE OWE THEM LOVE, PEACE AND CARE.
Thank you as you consider this and give it a trial.
Written by Oluwatosin Olajumoke Arodudu, this write up is subject to copyright.
